#64 Three Ways to Help When Your Loved Ones Don't Want Any

It took me years to figure out super simple strategies that have the power to release the burden of wanting someone that I love dearly, find the space and the motivation to get the help they need without what may be perceived as pressure or uncomfortable conversations, you know, the ones where you can already predict how they’re going to end so you don’t even bother entering into them?

Today I’m sharing 3 strategies to help those you love when they don’t want any help, while you sit with the burden of knowing what they’re going through, the steps they need to take, and the negative effects they’re experiencing. 

The truth is, not everyone is on the path to wellness. I get it. Those words were very hard for me to hear the first time they were said, but they landed, and I got it. 

No Harm No Foul

It’s also important to note, that regardless of the strategies I share with you today, free will will prevent these strategies from working for anyone who is not willing to heal or help themselves. So no harm, no foul with what I’m going to be sharing with you today. 

As a healer. As a practicing self-healer, clinical EFT practitioner, Healing breathwork facilitator, a constant researcher of all things wellness, it’s SUPER CHALLENGING to listen to the plight of loved ones who are suffering and are not one bit interested in getting any help or support, other than just having someone listen to them. 

Why Won't They Let Me In?

I’m a great listener. At least I believe I’m a great listener, because I have people in my life who are not great listeners, you probably do as well, and I strive to be the listener that I want when I’m speaking. So I can listen. What’s challenging for me, is to keep my advice at bay. Because I have a lot of it.

But when you’ve lived over 50 years, through challenging times, times that have pushed you to the limit. Times that caused you to make mistakes, Times where you’ve made poor decisions because you didn’t have the proper skills to make better ones, times where you stood on your own two feet and showed the world, “Yes I can!”, you may think you have the right to give advice, but you really don’t. Not unless it’s asked for. 

It’s like unrequited love. It’s one-sided. It’s not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. And so for me, it’s one of the toughest places to be. 

So, here are my top 3 strategies to help someone heal without force or pressure from you:

#1 - Create a God Box

I want to say Sarah Ban Breathnach was the first person to introduce me to the idea of the God Box in her 1995 book A Simple Abundance. I know Tosha Silver is also a big user of the God Box and you can read more about that in her 2016 book Outrageous Openness.

The God Box is the simplest of all three strategies. It’s a special box that you buy or make from a cigar box or something else you have lying around the house, and in it, you put all of your wishes, hopes, and dreams for yourself, and for those in your life who need support, they just don’t want it. 

This strategy is a nonintrusive way to put your hopes for their best health in the hands of a higher power. I call mine God, you may call yours something else. This creates a knowing that if it’s for their highest good they will receive the support they need. It works on a metaphysical level, and again, only if the receiver is open to letting the help in.

The God Box helps to relieve any burden you may be carrying around about your loved one. It becomes a practice in trust for you, and it also saves your relationship with your loved one when all they want is for you to listen. You get to listen, knowing that you’ll be calling on some heavy-duty backup later.

#2 - Have a conversation with their soul

The Soul to Soul Conversation I believe was introduced to be my Lee Harris in his 2019 book Energy Speaks. If I’m wrong, I apologize to whoever it was that introduced me to this fabulous strategy, but man does it work!

When you find yourself misunderstood by someone, or you have someone in your life who makes it very difficult to be around, find a quiet space to sit and be still. Ask to connect to and have a conversation with the soul of the person in conflict. Again, there is the chance that this soul will not want to speak with you and that’s ok. As of the writing of this blog post, I’ve yet to experience a refusal.

This is a space you create to have those conversations that may turn uncomfortable if done face to face. Here, in the quiet, you get to say what you’d like to say without interruption, without holding back or changing course when you see facial expressions emerge or body language shift. 

I remember telling a loved one about this strategy once when they were having difficulty with someone in their life and they asked me for advice as to how to handle it. When I was finished explaining, she thanked me for all the past conversations I had with her soul! AH! SHE KNEW!!... and our relationship has been so much richer ever since.

This is just as easy as the God Box, you just have to set some time aside to make it happen. There’s no length of time needed. All you need is enough time to be intentional when connecting and sharing your truth.

#3 - Metta Meditation

Metta Meditation is a meditation for sending love and kindness to another. Create a quiet space where you can tune in and bring your awareness to your heart center. Check-in with your body. Check that you have released any tensions. Breathe into the belly, softening it, and imagine a waterfall of light pouring through the very top of your head.

Soften your eyes. Loosen your shoulders. Bring ease to your breath. Carried in with that light pouring in is love,

kindness, and blessings of all kinds. Allow the light to fill up your entire body. It pours into your head, down your neck, and shoulders, swirls around your heart, and fills up your torso. It moves down through your hips, and legs, past your knees, and down to your feet and toes.

Your body fills with blessings of loving-kindness. You can even add an affirmation and say, "I am happy, I am peaceful, I am free from suffering". Continue to repeat this, immersing yourself in the thought and feeling of it.

Now bring your attention to your heart, and send these blessings out through the heart center to your loved one. See the light wash over them as you bath them in love and kindness.

This is another strategy that is easy to do, but again, you have to set some time aside to make it happen. There’s no length of time needed for this strategy either. All you need is enough time to be intentional when bringing your attention to your heart’s center and sending the blessings that you want to your loved one. 

These strategies also work really well for global issues that make us feel like there’s nothing we can do to help. There is always a way to help, and any one or all three of these strategies can help. 

Which of these strategies resonates most with you? Is it #1 The God Box? #2 The Soul to Soul Conversation? Or #3 Metta Meditation? 

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Remember, it’s not about being perfect; it’s about being easy with your practice.